Oh man that steams me!!
House on Red Corner · 2005-08-27
The postman must be a vacation this week. Every single day for the entire week our mail has gone downstairs to the Doctor’s office, and the Doctor’s mail has gone to our slot. Today was the only day that was a probelm strictly due to the office being closed all day!! So We did manage to pull one of our magazines out through the slot and carry it inside to read. It was a rag called Babytalk with the subtitle “straight talk for new moms.” I have yet to read one of these magazines cover to cover. I have also yet to read one of these type magazines without getting severely outraged. And today was no exception.
Right now, we are so lucky. It is apparent after reading this article that was full of statistics like:
3/4 of the dads say their wife puts their needs second to the baby’s
75% of the women agree that, at first, “a mother should put her relationship with her baby ahead of that with her husband.”
61% of new fathers say that their baby responds better to Mommy than to them. (But don’t feel too bad for them: 22% of those dads admit that they are relieved because it gets them out of baby duties!)
Naturally, the respondents to the poll were 90% women, and 90% of the men who responded work full time. So this sketches out a terrible view of the rest of the country’s attitude towards childrearing and child care. The statistic which I disagree with the most, and I got a hearty second-that-emotion from Steph, is the baby’s relationship first over the husband.
I have taken some polls and some surveys and know that they get skewed and tilted by the manner in which they are written. But I find it hard to believe that the writers of the poll did not give these women the option to say that the two relationships are different in nature. It really needs to be stated that the relationship between mother and father is dramatically important to the development of a child. In fact this relationship is paramount in importance. Firstly, without any such reltionship between father and mother, these terms would be null and void in individual cases.
In the article, the 61% statistic was backed up by a quote from a father in the midwest who stated “In the begining, especially, the minute my wife would hand our daughter to me, the baby would cry. Then my wife would take her back and she would be fine. It made me wonder, ‘What am I doing wrong? Why does she like her mommy so much better then me?’” Well, Duh! Mom has the Boobs! However, Mom also needs to let you hold her and develop a relationship from the start, you have to hold them when they cry before you can hold them before they settle down.
I just wonder, Did they only get comments from whiney little wusses who are afraid of a baby? It is articles ( and as the other articles in the magazine ran along this party line, I’d extend it to the whole magazine. I will restrain from condemning the entire line of magazines aimed at new mothers/new parents) which go a long, long ways towards continuing the seperation of men from their children. These sorts of ‘common knowledge’ surveys indicate that there is much work to be done to help break the cycle of emotional unavailibility from dear, old Dad. Sorry Pop, I really don’t think that this applies to you, except for that time you didn’t get me a pony.
Again, I can’t help but think of how incredibly lucky we are. We are free from the restraint of society conventions because we have followed our hearts. There seems to be so much pressure on women to be good moms, and now to do it with a career as well, plus they have to subscribe to this magazine lifestyle that can only be superceeded by the lifestyle that is advertised in commercials. It’s all synergetic consummerism. We get the magazine for free, just so that the advertisers can reach the market of new parents.
When I walk around the streets of our neighborhood, I get lots of old ladies who stop and most of them just say “that she is so cute!” I feel no pressure from anybody external to our household, to have the bestestesses of the pre-pre-pre-schools picked out for my daughter. Nor do I get very much unsolicitated advice. Yet, the rumor mill on all the SAHD websites ( and several of the newspaper articles) indicate that this is a common occurance with women and moms. Please if I am completely off base here, someone please let me know. (By the way, I’d like it very much if you leave you comments in teh comments section and not through teh email link, this way we can facilitate a conversation with many different voices.)
Tags: Dad EJ Squeaky SAHD Steph Babytalk Outrage EckenrodeHouse Eckenrode