so so
House on Red Corner · 2005-09-28
We almost always have a really great morning around here. Squeaky is very happy to get up and face the day. Her smiles and activity in the morning is really, really priceless. She loves to work on her gym mat. Her morning exercises. She pulls the little bug down from it’s roost and lets it go back up without the slightest bit of effort. She loves to manuever herself around to tbe able to look at herself in the mirror dangling on the cross bar.
I can get a lot of chores and tasks completed in the morning and during her nap at noon time. She is sometimes down for two whole hours, today it was about an hour. When she wakes up in the afternoon, she is ready to go go go! She really loves being outside, especially now that fall is in the air.It really tires me out to resist her, there is already a battle of the wills. yup, it’s true. Daddy is the type who does not mind getting grounded to his room, he will entertain himself quite well with his own devices. EJ is a real go-getter, she loves being outside and with people. When we are outside she wants to be facing the forward direction so she can see where we are going.
I am so thankful that we got a backyard because it would be so difficult to keep it up. I have trouble walking around the neighborhood and finding an excuse to go into the same stores over and over again and again. Mostly this is because I have so much trouble relating to people, particularly strangers. When I have a role in life that gives me a defined set of responses or reactions that I am ‘programmed’ to deal with, no probelm. I can be the PA on the street who keeps residents of the block from walking on the sidewalk because we are making a movie. Or I can sell someone shoes, or deliver a package, or give orders, or some other ‘business’ role.
Being a free form human in society, interacting with other humans, that scares me. I haven’t an identity to hide behind. I am quite the introvert. “But you can be so forthcoming in your blog writing!” Well, yes, I can spill almost any sort of deep emotion or thought from without my innermost quarters, because I have an identity that is ready formulated. I even can sense it’s being grown and expanded with each truth that I write. Yet, when I walk down the street, I find it difficult to grasp a good notion of how to respond to each third person who pokes their face into look at EJ and say how cute she is.
Oh yes, she is cute.
She’s my child.
Then they are gone, soometimes I am able to speak with people who I know I never would like yesterday there was a woman in an electric cart on the sidewalk that we spoke for about five minutes. But I think the difference there was she included me into the conversation. Isn’t that just the strangest thing? I’m carrying the baby, I am the one who will be able to answer any questins or make any statements and yet, people are much more interested in making the observation to themselves out loud that she is a cute baby. I think it is just to make themselves feel better and to tell themselves that they really aren’t as bad or as rude or as lousy as they think that they are. So they over compensate.
It pisses me off. I want to snap at them, and tell them to get out of our way. I want to whack them on the head. The worst offenders are the fat, old italian granmas ( or the puerto rican grandmas) with their mustaches, grimy layered t-shirts over track suit bottoms and sneakers. They waddle right in and say things like, “Oh I just have to touch the feet.” Or “My goodness what a doll. Doesn’t she look just like a doll?” More than one fat, old lady has thought that she was a dollbaby, like an actual doll. Why must I suffer these fools?
Oh, I guess I still have more to learn. It is difficult to hold my tongue so that it does not transmitt my exact thoughts to the people I meet and thus demonstrate behavior which I do not want Eliza-Jane repeating in her life. So, I do my best, that’s all we can ever do.