Finally, I get a role in a Seinfeld episode!
House on Red Corner · 2006-08-30
I decided to make my name change official.
I called the Social Security Administration (SSA) to make sure I went to the correct office at the correct address.
Eliza-Jane and I set out. Immediately the heavens opened. We stopped in at the pharmacy to get a stroller cover. EJ wasn’t having it. She pulled back the stroller cover and happily got soaked. The neighborhood ladies’ eyes were popping out of their heads. “She’s getting wet!” I worried about her getting a chill and I couldn’t find the bus stop, so I turned tail and went back to the apartment.
We ate and I called Nathan for guidance on the rain issue. He advised us to take a change of clothes. So I poured her into her little pink wetsuit and headed out again.
I found the correct bus, and struggled on with the stroller, her bag, my bag, the umbrella, and her self. “That baby will get sick!” The wheels on the bus went round and round…we got out.
Lo and behold: a sign on the door of the SSA declared that no name changes could be had here! I stormed in and raged at the security guard. He had a stack of photocopies explaining how to get to the downtown SSA. An office just a few subway stops from our home! Obviously, this happens a lot. He asked me did I want his help. I said yes, I want his help: fix this erroneous instruction. He told me that that was the government, not him. He told me to call the 1-800 number if I want. The very same number I had called to begin with!
I stuggled out into the rain across the street onto another bus. EJ was babbling happily and pointing at everything. A man boarded the bus and looked at us. “Does that baby have a hat?” “No. No hat.” “You’re not qualified to be a mother”, he told me. I smiled. “And who’s the father? Joe over there, I suppose.” I smiled. “They take our babies away”, he said, sweeping his hand around to indicate the black ladies on the bus. (EJ and I were the only whites riding. ) “But they won’t take your baby away. That’s child abuse right there.”
We sat smiling until we arrived at the SSA and struggled off the bus. The man was still yelling after us. “Your not qualified! Not qualified!”
We struggled inside and I put some dry clothes on EJ. I was hungry but we weren’t allowed to have food or drink in the SSA. After about an hour waiting in line inside, the woman in front of me fainted.
After we struggled through security and up to the 6th floor, we got in line again and finally got to our window.The woman there was a balm. She chatted with EJ and complimented me on her good behavior. I got my name change! We trooped out onto the street again and got on the subway. I went the wrong way due to low blood sugar, but I threw a few grapes down my neck, turned around and finally collapsed with EJ on the bed at home.
Did you notice that a lot of people gave me rather hostile advice, but no one helped me with my child?